Alice-ness
by FurElise-612
Summary: Alice Greene swore off Wonderland many years ago, but fate pulls her into a production of the beloved story on stage, and stirs up many memories. She finds that the memories and people she doesn't want might be exactly what she needs.
1. Prologue - Little Alice Greene

"_Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank, and of having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, 'and what is the use of a book,' thought Alice, 'without pictures or conversation?_'"

Alice Greene wanted nothing to do with Wonderland.

When her freshman and sophomore days were miles behind her, She was determined to leave her childhood with them. In doing so, she somehow lost the sparkle in her eye as well, the air of wonder that followed her and drew in her closest friends...it dissipated, leaving the shell of a girl behind. One who faked joy and curiosity, who threw herself into her future and never thought about what would hit her on her journey.

She pushed away from her old life and settled for one she couldn't admit that she hated. Settled for friends who could care less about her, and vice versa. A picture-perfect partner she was better off without.

She'd left Wonderland behind, but it never forgot it's dear little Alice Greene.

It never would.

It followed her in her summers, after her graduation. Haunted her in her sleep. Nipped at her thoughts.

Alice Greene wanted nothing to do with Wonderland.

But Wonderland wanted Alice Greene.

**A/N: Less of a "chapter," and more of a prologue, but it is what it is-**

**If you enjoyed this chapter, send me your love!**

**-E**


	2. Chapter 1: Rude Awakenings

If there was one thing that managed to stay intact during Alice's childhood purge, it was this: Alice couldn't stand lectures.

While her professor droned on and on about the structure of stomach lining, or whatever the hell he was trying to convince her to care about, she had resorted to stabbing her thigh with her pen to keep herself awake. She simply couldn't comprehend why Biology had anything to do with becoming a lawyer. She wished she could just go to law school now and get it all over with, but she still needed all the credits to do so.

Her mother had begged her to go into University undecided, but her one-track mind was well beyond her words. She couldn't afford to get distracted now, with everything she'd done and earned to get where she is. Getting involved with any other major would undermine all her hard work. Her mother would never understand everything she had in her life.

She had friends to supported her and pushed her to do her best, a boyfriend who loved her, and was currently applying to med school with all full credits. She herself had a reputation built to support her one goal: to become a lawyer, to become successful. She joined the debate team, Model UN, and...

And she was utterly, mind-numbingly tired. Tired of the work, tired of college. Tired of everything she considered "fun."

But she had everything she could ever want.

Everything.

_So why do I feel robbed?_ Alice thought to herself, scribbling absentmindedly in her binder.

She didn't have time to ponder, her professor giving her class the signal to live. _Finally_. She kicked her chair back with her heels and made a start for the door.

Oh, wait. She had to meet her professor to ask for extra credit.

Alice stared longingly at the door, but she turned back and trudged towards his desk.

"Professor Liddell, I have a question. I was wondering-" She started, but he raised his head.

"This is the third time you've asked me about extra credit, Miss Greene. And for the third time, no. You are ahead of your peers, and there's nothing more you can do except wait for next semester's work." He peered up at her through his gold-rimmed glasses, shuffling his papers feverishly.

Alice wrinkled her nose. All of her professors have been telling her that.

"Don't you ever do anything fun outside of your classes? Most of your classmates go to games, or parties, or go study abroad. Why don't you go do one of those things?" He shooed her away from his desk, and Alice wasn't allowed to get a word out before he shut the door on her.

She sighed heavily through her nose, staring at the wooden door.

She didn't have the heart to go spend time with people who wanted nothing to do with her. She'd already established her place as a stuck-up princess and you know what? She liked that. She liked playing that role because then they don't have to pretend to like her.

She turned away from the classroom and dragged her feet as she shuffled out the building, to her car outside. Since her classes were over, she didn't have an excuse to sit around, collecting dust. She didn't want to go back to her apartment, where she'd be waiting for three more hours until her boyfriend came home, but...there was nowhere else to go.

That was a lie, but... she was living a lie.

With no other option, she headed home early. Gripping her steering wheel, She sat in silence, collecting stray thoughts and plans to pass the time until Wes came home. Buildings laced with delicate green ivy whizzed past her, the smell of pastries and flower petals lingering in the dying summer air.

As she pulled into the parking lot, she noticed Wes's car in his spot. Her face lit up. So she wouldn't be alone for hours!

She scrambled to bundle up her things and bound up the stairs to her apartment door. Even if it was before he could head out for work, she wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

Her door, 8A, came into view. It was... cracked open slightly.

Alice frowned, hefting her bag on her shoulder. With a gentle push, the door swung open.

And her bag slammed onto the floor.

**_"You son-of-a-bitch."_**


	3. Chapter 2: Spiralling Down

"_Somehow you strayed and lost your way, and now there'll be no time to play, no time for joy, no time for friends – not even time to make amends."_

* * *

**_"Alice Greene, you are the strangest girl I've met in many years." A pearly white smile beamed down at her, and she couldn't help but smile back._**

**_"And why is that?" Alice asked, brushing the blades of grass and white petals off of her jeans, raising herself onto her tiptoes to remain at eye-level with the boy in front of her. He grasped her pale fingers, dotted with grass stains and flecks of pollen, callouses scraping her smooth palms._**

**_"You're the only girl I've met to come out of sadness with that pretty glimmer in your eye." She smiled wider, lost in the intoxication of his touch._**

**_"I guess there's nothing so bad for me to lose that sparkle."_**

* * *

There he was.

Sprawled across the couch, clothing tossed about the living room, and a little raven-haired girl curled in his lap, like a cat napping in the spring sunshine. She looked barely her age. Most likely a freshman. She seemed content, wrapped in his arms. But she wasn't napping under rays of the sun, but rather, in the shattered remains of Alice's trust, and Wes's fidelity.

Alice waited for him to realize she was there, ready to throttle him. He blinked at her, bleary-eyed. Recognition began to clear the glaze in his eye, rapidly flickering from confusion to terror, and finally, to shame.

With each step towards him, she could feel her heart tearing apart, bit by bit. He moved his arm over the girl's shoulders like he was going to protect her from Alice.

"I promise, it's not what it- "

"try me, prick." Alice's lips curled back, revealing bared teeth. "In ten seconds, you are going to wake your little lady, and you're going to get the hell out of my apartment." She threw back the blanket the girl was wrapped up in, startling the girl into waking.

"What's going on?" She sat up, rubbing her eyes. Then they locked eyes.

Alice's throat constricted. She was crazy. She was going crazy. There was no way - they couldn't do this. They weren't allowed. It can't be.

"How could...How could you do this to me, Naomi?" She stared at Naomi, her best friend... her ex-best friend. Every foul word under the sun was churning at the tip of her tongue. She could barely move from the doorway. She wanted to throw things. To throttle both of them, and throw them out of her apartment. She wanted to know why, but at the same time, she didn't want to hear a word of their excuses.

_I just wanted..._

Alice staggered backward and ran into the hallway.

Gone gone gone.

* * *

"Alice...What's wrong?"

_Whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy-_

She didn't know what to say. What could she say? _Hey, my boyfriend cheated on me with our friend, and I'm sitting at a park because I can't go home. Also, what'd you get on your exam?_

Alice's knee bounced rapidly. She forced herself to breathe, the cut of the evening air trickling under her skin.

"Alice?" Briar was Wes's best friend. If he knew anything about it, he would tell her.

"Did you know that Wes was cheating on me?" Alice blurted, the air getting colder.

Silence. For a second, the world stopped turning, and the only thing she could hear was her own heartbeat.

Say no. say no say no say no say no say-

"I...Alice...Yes. I knew. We...we all knew."

* * *

A/N: Haven't stuck to my own publishing schedule, so that's fun. This chapter is pretty short, and pretty quick paced. I promise, I will get into the "Wonderland" part of this fic, just wait a couple more chapters.

I'm looking for as much feedback as I can get, so feel free to let me know what you think in Reviews.

Thanks,

-E


	4. Chapter 3: Falling Away (Rewritten)

_She generally gave herself very good advice, (though she very seldom followed it)_

* * *

There was an intense pressure squeezing her head. Tears welled in her eyes as she struggled to get air into her lungs.

"Listen, I...I'm sorry. You can come to visit my dorm, and I'll explain...everything." His voice clanged around in her head. Everything? Just how much did she miss? Just how long was she being lied to? Alice knew she wanted answers, but she couldn't bring herself to get them from her backstabbing, toxic friends, least of all, Briar, who had many chances to tell her and didn't.

"I don't want to see you." She replied, the words stinging her tongue as they left her mouth. Harsh, but it wasn't like he didn't deserve it. She could feel him flinching through the phone.

She was being mean to the wrong person. She wanted to reel herself in, tell him it wasn't his fault. But...it was his fault. At least partially. He had so many chances to tell her and he didn't. Why should she feel a shred of sympathy when she makes him feel every ounce of pain that she feels?

"Listen, I know that what I did was wrong. I'm so sorry. I want to make it up to you and inviting you over is my first step." He was nearly begging at this point. Alice's mouth quivered while she struggled to keep her resolve from crumbling.

"I'll," Alice swallowed the lump in her throat. "I'll talk to you later."

"Alice-"

"Goodnight, Briar." _click_.

Tears spilled from her eyes, and there was nothing she could do to stop them. For the first time in about four years, she felt crushing loneliness. The type that she'd been running from since she was four. The loneliness that kept catching up to her every time she thought she'd had everything under control. Only this time...

This time she had nowhere else to run. No friend she could trust, no parent she was willing to burden. She was sitting in her car, the crushing realization that everyone she thought cared about her were poised with a dagger aimed at her spine. Everything she'd built of herself was because of them. Was for them. She plunged into a dark tunnel, never considering what was at the bottom.

There is no out. She was wandering a treacherous Wonderland, and she lost the hand that led her there.

_Nostalgic metaphors...How very Alice of me_, she pulled her knees into her chest.

She could sit here, waxing nostalgia in her car until the Earth fell into the sun. Or she could get off her ass and wreak bloody havoc on her shit ex-boyfriend and two-timing best friend.

Her stomach clenched in response.

Or she could wait until her tears dried before she tore a new one into anything. Bide her time until she could muster the courage to kick him out.

What to do until then...

She found herself driving aimlessly, trying to convince herself she had no destination in mind.

She was lying.

* * *

**_A/N: _**

**_Hello, All (all being like upwards of 3 people lol),_**

_**At least two more chapters will be coming out this week. Please wash your hands and stay safe!**_

_**Best,**_

_**\- E**_


	5. Chapter 4: You're Late

**_I know who I _was_ when I got up this morning, but I think I must have been changed several times since then_**

* * *

_Alice thought she would hate ballet. At first glance, it sounded awful._

_Uncomfortable tutus, tight shoes, stuffy teachers. Worst of all...no friends. She picked at her skirt. The outfit Ma bought didn't come with a tutu. It wasn't even pink, though it was all black, except the tights. She picked at the skirt, rocking back and forth on her heels.  
__She was correct about having no friends, though. All the other girls and boys flocked together, babbling away. She shuffled as far into the corner as she could. She eyed the door, wondering if she could slip out without anyone knowing._

_"Why are you hiding?" a voice called out to, drawing every eye to Alice._

_She stiffened. A pale-haired boy was eyeing her, almost suspicious of her reluctance to join the group. All of the other children eyed her strangely as well, nearly breaking their necks to watch her. Alice's skin crawled._

_"I...I'm not-" She pursed her lips. "I just..."_

_The boy raised his eyebrows. She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm taking off my necklace. I don't want it getting tangled." She said, brushing her fingers over the delicate gold chain as if she were toying with the clasp._

_That seemed to satisfy their curiosity, and they turned their attention to something else. But not him.  
No, his eyes followed her as she dropped her hands, and sheepishly joined the group, staying on the outskirts.  
They continued to follow her when the dance teacher came in, barking orders to line up at the bars._

_She shuffled to the back of the bar, her eyes lowered to the ground so no one would catch her gaze lingering on the door._

_"Your necklace looks pretty. I wouldn't want it getting tangled either."  
The boy was smirking at her, reveling in the fact that he caught her in a lie. _

_"Could you please just leave me alone..." she grumbled, trying to focus on the teacher's words. _

_"You can't make friends by hiding in a corner." He carried on, his voice low. Alice shot him a withering glare. He responded with a feline grin. "My name is Lev. What's yours?" he asked.  
Alice was dumbfounded at his breezy introduction like he wasn't completely talking over the teacher. She opened her mouth to answer, but it took some time to answer._

_"My name is Alice." A slow smile tugged at her lips. He returned the smile with his own._

_"Well Alice," Lev told her, his voice suddenly sharpening. "Your posture is all wrong, and you shouldn't be staring at the floor. It's improper."  
"Also... don't talk over the teacher. It's incredibly rude." A toothy grin spread across his face._

_Alice was flabbergasted. She was starting to hate this boy._

* * *

The Hanover Dance Academy was founded in 1879 by Saoirse Lewis. When it closed nearly a decade ago, it was barred from demolition by various historic preservation groups.  
Dancers still came through the building, maintaining the rooms for practice when everywhere else was closed.

Alice used to go there every day. She'd even hidden ballet shoes in one of the unused bathrooms. She'd almost forgotten why she stopped coming here in the first place. As she slid through the unlocked basement door, the faint scent of mildew and maple wood was ever familiar to her. The creaky metal stairs looked more dangerous than ever. Maybe this time, it'd get her, and she'd fall through.  
She let out a soft puff of air, a faint smile growing onto her lips. That'd be very unfortunate for the next crew of dancers that came through.

Being here... she suddenly remembered why she stopped coming. Her smile dropped

_"Why do you still go to Ballet lessons?"_

_"You're not studying Dance at University, it's a waste of time."_

_"You never spend time with us with all of that dancing."_

She clenched her fists, the ache to throw something overwhelming her like a migraine.  
She should have seen it coming. She should have called their intentions from the start. They never had her best interest in mind, and it was only a matter of time before she'd pieced it together. It should have been before she'd driven a wedge between her last joy.

Her last joy...  
She could blame her "friends" all she wanted to. What she did... That was all her.  
She'd acted without thinking. It cost her everything.

Alice would have stood there, wallowing in her past mistakes until the mold and mildew killed her, but the sudden sound of piano playing shocked her out of her thoughts. _Someone's here._ Who could be dancing in a decrepit dance studio at 4 in the morning?  
She had half a mind to leave right now. She'd always hated practicing anywhere except her backyard and in her room. Her friends always teased her for being so stiff about dancing in front of other people.

Well, only one person teased her about it...  
Alice pursed her lips, re-adjusting her bag. She came here to fix the one thing she should never have broken. She was going to do that. She wasn't going to let anyone get in her way.

Alice shot up the rickety metal stairs, her hand closing around the knob of the door. The music began to swell. She couldn't place a distinct genre. It wasn't classic or pop, it didn't have the spark of tango... Who was in there?

She leaned against the door, pushing in the door with her shoulder. The heavy door gave way under the force, and she stopped in her tracks in the doorway. She suddenly realized where the source of her dread was coming from.

She could deal with seeing a stranger in here. Anything she'd said about not dancing in front of strangers was blown straight to Hell.  
Just her luck...

"Lev?"

The cocky grin that always adorned his features had long since faded, but the mischievous glint in his eye was always going to be there.

"You're a long way away from law school, Rabbit."

* * *

**A/N: Bleh. This chapter is pretty heckin' long, and nothing's happened yet lol. I'd make empty promises for some plot, but I won't.  
****Like always, Let me know if you enjoyed the chapter. I'm always open to critiques.**

**Best,**

-E


	6. Chapter 5: Pool of Tears

_"Oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad."_

_"How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. _

_"You must be," said the Cat, "Or you wouldn't have come here."_

* * *

The room suddenly dropped ten degrees.

His face, stony and drawn, had aged immensely since they'd last seen each other. He was wearing sweatpants and a hoodie, a far cry from the costumes she'd seen him in at shows, but... He'd changed. His face was sharper and his eyes were duller, though that could very well be because he was looking at her.

A chill ran down Alice's spine, though she tried her damnedest not to show it. She watched his eyes travel up and down her frame reproachfully, waiting for her response with bated breath. There were hardly words to describe the air in the room, closing it's bony fingers around her throat, daring her to speak a word against him.

Lucky for her, she was feeling contrary today.

"I thought you agreed to never call me that again." She was shocked by the icy calm of her response, more than the content of her words. She could see it in his face: _was that **really**_ _all you had to say?_ She was even more shocked when she took another step into the studio, Lev following her every step. His face remained tight and stiff, a stone shell of the boy she knew.

A sharp stab of some foreign emotion shot through her. She called it foreign. It'd only been so long that she'd felt it before.

"Well, _I _thought we agreed that we had nothing more to say to each other, but alas...here you are."

Probing. Angry. Lev had a quick temper. Lashing out, and then gone before she even realized she'd been cut. He also thrived on provoking her, and it had been one of her his few joys digging under her skin. Though, she knew he was expecting an explosive reaction from his digs this time.

Alice shook her head. She wasn't going to do this today. She didn't have the energy to go toe-to-toe with Lev, of all people. Gathering dust on a park bench seemed more appealing to her.

"Listen...I get it. I wouldn't...I wouldn't have come if I knew you were here, and I'm not getting into this with you."

She lowered her eyes, the last of her fire trickling out as realization finally settled in. "I won't bother you anymore." Her words, intending to come out clipped and cold, left her lips resigned.

She had her hand on the door, and it'd only opened a sliver before it slammed back shut, another hand pushing all it's weight against her pull.

Alice bit down hard on the inside of her cheek. _Lev..._

"What, no fighting words? I'd been expecting at least two insults out of you by now, and I haven't gotten any." He teased, his voice just a tad too sharp to be joking. His features had softened, but not by much. His attempt at a smile seemed more cruel than friendly. Alice scanned his face, searching for the boy she used to know.

There was no use in looking. That boy was long gone, too far to be worth chasing.

Her mouth quivered as she bit back the tremor in her throat so she could respond.

His brow creased, and the cruelty was beginning to dissipate.

"...Please move, Cheshire." she said, her throat too tight to manage a volume above a whisper.

He dropped his hand, but her hand stayed clenched around the doorknob. Just one tug, and she could go back to her apartment. Her lonely apartment, laden with every lie ever spoken between herself and Wes.

"What happened, Rabbit?"

* * *

Alice crossed her legs on the chilly wooden floor. Lev sat across from her, his eyes narrowed (and for once not because of her). His mouth was hidden behind his hand, as if he were in deep thought. He looked pissed.

She'd told him everything. It all came out so easily and she was wary of herself because of it.

"Well, now you know the half of it, so-" she tried to pass as nonchalant, but one quick glare from him blew the facade clean away. "If you don't want me here, I can leave."

Something in her wanted him to say it. _Yes, could you please leave? Go home and sort it out yourself. _She knew he wouldn't. She hated him more for it.

"So why would you come here?" He asked, completely ignoring her offer. She wrinkled her nose, a little miffed that he'd brushed her off like that. Even more, that he was stupid enough to ask that question.

"You were my dance partner for 11 years, Lev. Why the Hell would you ask-"

"You love dancing in parks more than in buildings. If I'm correct, you live closer to a park than you do to the studio." Lev snapped back, dropping his hands into his lap.

Alice grit her teeth, hating every second of being called out. _I don't **know**, _she thought. _I don't know any more than you do._

"So, why did you-"

"I just missed being here, okay?!" she blurted, heat bursting across her cheeks. Her shoulders, shaking and stiff, finally slumped in defeat as the last of her resolve came tumbling down. Stripped down to something raw and unfamiliar, she knew how she must look to him right now.

Pathetic.

Weak.

Scared.

Alice's hands were shaking in her lap. She'd done a good job pushing away her guilt and desperation for a long time. She wondered how easy it was for him to take all that hard work, crumple it up in his fists, and throw it into a bin.

The scuff of his shoes on the wood was the first warning to alert his movements. The last warning were his long fingers hooking around her wrist.

Featherlight, like he were afraid to touch her.

"Let me help you."

* * *

**A/N:****It's been a while since I've posted, and for that, I apologize. I hope you all are doing well and staying safe and healthy. My next chapter is currently in progress, but posts will be random, as always.****Best,****\- E**


End file.
